Getting Dropped For Dummies

Alright settle down folks, class is in session. If you are here for Getting Dropped 101, you are in the right place.

If you find yourself asking the following three questions before your next race, you might want to move to the front row and take good notes.
1. Does anyone know what the average speed is in this race?
2. Do you think I need a triple or compact cassette?
3. Are you really a Cat 5 racer?

Now getting dropped doesn't only happen in bike races. I've been fortunate enough to experience it in other walks of life as well. Note the following experiences:
1. My first girlfriend dropped me when she found out the mixtape I made her had another girls name on it.
2. At the gym the guy next to me on the bench press kept adding weight to his bar trying to out lift me. I didn't know half-wheeling happened in the gym. Needless to say he dropped me by about 50 lbs.
3. The middle school lunch room. My family moved a lot. Starting 7th grade in the middle of the year sucked. Having braces, high water jeans, a Capri Sun backpack, and Michael Jackson Thriller t-shirt = Table for One. Nothing like getting dropped in the lunch room.

In order to truly understand the fine art of being dropped in a bike race, you need to understand and anticipate the critical moments just before the actual drop.
Most riders actually get dropped weeks before they actually race. Here are the pre-race instructions for getting dropped.

1. Sign up for a race twice as long as you have ever been on a training ride.
2. Tell yourself that 4 weeks is more than enough time to train.
3. Two weeks out repeat step 2 and replace the 4 with a 2.
4. The week leading up to the race, frantically scour the internet for race reports on the race. Pay special attention to whether you can "big ring" the climbs.
5. Get sick, miss a few days of training, and find something wrong with the position on your bike. Getting the excuses ready early never hurts.

Ok so now it's race day. You have all of your excuses lined up. Maybe you thought of a few others on the car ride to the race. Pay close attention to the following.
1. Position yourself at the back of the group at the start line. Misery loves company. It's a motley crew of riders at the back of the start. It's usually a nice mix of sandbaggers and fellow droppees. (I know that's not a word)
2. Thank the race officials for volunteering their time, especially the ref on the motorcycle. When he passes you later in the race, you don't want him riding too close to you.
3. Attack early. Right at the start attack hard. The group will let you go, because they know you don't stand a chance. It makes for a good photo opportunity.
4. When you see that last wheel start to ride into the distance and your fate is sealed, you have two options. You can either pull over and toss your bike with your best David Millar impression, or you can slog your way to the finish not making any eye contact with spectators.
5. Look out for photographers. Especially ones that write blogs about being dropped.
6. When you get home post pictures of your race and tell your friends that the pictures of you getting dropped are actually photos of you in a daring solo break.

There is no shame in being dropped. It is a right of passage. I will leave you with the following..."I didn't get dropped, I just discovered a bunch of new ways to get shelled off the back of the pack"